Villains of the Golden Shields
Nowhere on the internet will you find a greater hive of scum, villainy and idiotic behavior than on this page. The following villains were former members of the Golden Shields or enemies of our guild who had to be banned from our website and forums because of their obnoxious behavior. Thieves, traitors, criminals and drama whores beware or you may find your name on this list!
East the Cheater
Not exactly that kind of cheating, but you get the idea.
Also Known As:
Uggbash and Stentorian Peach
History:
East first joined the Old Guild during our short domination of the multiplayer server for Dungeon Siege. We recruited large numbers of members by giving the appearance that we had amazing cheating skills and offering to teach others how to cheat or to give them free hacked items if they joined us. East almost surely joined for the cheating. Despite the fact that the Dungeon siege division of the guild soon sunk when the game lost popularity, East remained with the guild and showed interest in the Shadowbane side of the guild. He eventually became a leader in the guild and remained loyal to the Golden Shields cause until the release of Shadowbane.
But wherever Shadowbane goes, disaster soon follows. When the game released our leader of the time Zion only found the time to log in for less than an hour per day. Between the slowly failing leadership and what a horribly buggy and crappy game Shadowbane was our guild soon fell on hard times. Our first three cities were deleted by bugs in the game. Then East suddenly appeared out of the blue with millions of dollars and built the vast and grand city of New Aegis. Once East had done this East controlled 95% of the guild asset's and used this to blackmail Zion into turning over leadership of the Shadowbane guild to him. As Zion was still logging in less than an hour a day and could do little to support the guild, he decided it would be better for East to have leadership than for the guild to collapse if he stole the city from us.
However, East was soon discovered as a cheater (which was where he had gotten all the money from) and as a result both East and most of the other remaining guild members were banned from Shadowbane. East remained with the guild for a few more weeks until Alatar caught him trying to steal some of the last members to turn them over the some random Star Wars Galaxies group that had promised him a promotion. East finally got what a traitor like him had deserved from the start and was banned forever from the guild.
If seen in-game:
East is the biggest cheater that ever lived. Whatever game he goes to he learns how to cheat there and then cheats as much as he possibly can until he is banned for his actions. If you see him, you have two options: One, run like hell. Or two, Attack him, kill him and THEN run like hell. If you choose option two and actually manage to kill him, run like hell, find somewhere to hide, log out of the game, put your account into vacation mode (if the game in question has that feature) and rotate your password. Then delete all the email in your inbox, close your email account and rotate all your other passwords. Then scan your computer for viruses. Then turn off your computer, disconnect it from the internet, unplug all the cables and pack it back up into the box it came in. Go over to a friend's house and email me from there to tell me you killed East. Finally, take a nice long vacation, I'll see you when you get back.
If seen in real life:
East's true identity is a secret from me so unless East actually walks up to you and says "Hi, I'm East, the guy who hacked Shadowbane to high high hell" you probably wouldn't know it even if you did meet him. However if by some bizarre twist of fate you do meet East and you know its him, do WHAT EVER IT TAKES to find out his real name! Contact me right away and we will report him to the FBI who is probably still looking for him after he used trojan horse viruses to steal peoples passwords.
Andre & Lucas
Andre and Lucas are connected at the hip like a two headed ogre. Where one goes, both go.
Also Known As:
They are always known as Andre and Lucas. You can call either one by either name, there is no difference between the two of them of which I am aware.
History:
Andre & Lucas were real life friends of Zion. After Alatar was forced to take a 6 month vacation from the guild, Zion was in need of more help to keep the guild running smoothly so he recruited Andre & Lucas and instantly promoted them to leaders even though they had no previous experience with the guild.
Lucas became the webmaster and took over the website designed and put in place by a former webmaster who had left. Andre and Lucas together tried to put up a new free forum to replace the old paid Ezboard forums which were about to expire. The new forum was buggy and lacked many basic features. Andre was asked many times and promised to fix the forums and add color to them, but he never did. Lucas did an equally poor job as webmaster and failed to fix many problems with the site and only even visited on an infrequent basis.
Andre started a short lived Everquest division which was the highest ranked guild on the PvP server (by number of kills as I understand it) before he and his division vanished into oblivion.
Years after the fall of the Old Guild, Zion recruited Andre and Lucas once again for his attempt to start a comedy website. Along with a few other morons like the notorious "Jackson" they did their usual half assed job and behaved even more obnoxiously than usual. For this, they are banned from the guild forever.
If seen in-game:
Kill em, laugh at them, whatever you want. As I understand it, Lucas hates video games so Andre does all the actual play. There is no telling where you might bump into him. I helped some people kick his ass in a crappy browser game called "Utopia" once. He was last seen in World of Warcraft but probably doesn't play anymore.
If seen in real life:
Give them the number of a good doctor who knows how to separate Siamese twins.
Relic Runeblade
Romans and rednecks just don't mix...
Also Known As:
Artic Blaze, Anteros007, Nihil
History:
At one point in time there was a leader in the Old Guild called Nihil. Nihil joined the guild shortly after we had gotten into an imaginary war with another guild leader called Relic who had started a guild called "Arcona" something or other. Relic's antics on the shadowbane forums were rather famous. He was an obnoxious attention whore who seemed to enjoy flaming other guild's recruitment posts, getting into massive arguments with other guild leaders and just being a general pain in the butt wherever he went. He even had an amazon-only Sub-guild which most people believed was fake after the leader of this sub-guild went berserk on the forums exactly like Relic himself tended to do on a regular basis. Relic eventually got into one of his shouting matches with our guild after a bizarre poll run by another guild called the "Ranked against your will" poll. Relics guild scored even lower than expected and we decided to confront him about it in his next recruitment post, just to give him a taste of his own medicine. Relic's reply was that because his guild had a roman style and he was planning to make his members wear uniforms and march everywhere in formation he would obviously defeat our guild (which was about 10 times larger) and conquer the entire world. When we pointed out the Roman army had more than 10 people and a fake amazon sub-guild he did his usual going berserk stunt and declared war on us.
Relic was considered a joke by most of the community so we forgot about him and his imaginary war for a few months until one day we stumbled onto the website of a new guild called "Legion VII Felix" which was so similar to Relic Runeblade's guild that it was creepy. It had the same concept, the same rules, a very similar fake members list and even some of the same graphics were used on both websites. This was either Relic starting a new guild under a new name or someone really retarded stole all of his ideas for reasons that weren't clear. Zion decided we had better find out which one it was so we came up with a complex "Shadows of Gold" type scheme to pull it off.
When Relic first declared war on us, he had showed up on our forums to cuss us out and act like an idiot. At that time we logged his IP address and now we decided that we would get the IP address of this new guild leader and compare it to Relic's IP. Although it sounds simple, we actually put quite a bit of work into getting this new guild leader "Arudius VII" to post on an Ezboard so I could get his IP address. We ended up deciding to fight fire with fire and we made a new fake guild of our own. First Zion and I slapped up a crappy geocities site and a new Ezboard for the guild. Then each of us along with Nathaniel Thane Raines (A member of tWt who was actually a spy of ours the whole time) made up three fake names and used them as accounts on the ezboard forum for this fake guild. This way it looked like the guild had 9 active members which was a hell of allot more impressive than either of Relic's guilds at this point. After about a week of making fake chatter on the forums, we invited "Arudius VII" to visit the forums to talk about an alliance with our fake guild (we didn't tell him it was fake of course). He showed up, I stole his IP address and the whole fake guild fell silent never to be used again.
Now you might be wondering what the hell this all has to do with Nihil. Well, it had absolutely nothing to do with Nihil until I went to compare the "Arudius VII" IP address against the other IPs that I had on file. The "Arudius VII" IP matched one of Relic's EXACTLY so we now knew he was Arudius VII and that he was behind this new guild which was identical to his old guild in every way but the name. This raised the question of why he was doing it and if he didn't possibly have more than one fake guild out there just like we did. So I went back and took all of the IP addresses we had on Relic and once again compared them to the whole file of IPs. As it turned out, Nihil also had several IP addresses that were almost exactly the same as the addresses of Relic. Now, even though Nihil and Relic's IP addresses aren't exactly the same, they are close enough to start asking questions. The last block of numbers in the address doesn't always have to be the same. Those numbers can change every time the person logs onto the net. For example some internet providers like AOL simply own blocks of IP addresses and assign you a new one every time you log on. But even in those cases, you still get assigned an IP that is local to your area, meaning you can still be tracked by your IP address.
We were 95% convinced that Relic and Nihil were the same person now, but we still couldn't figure out why Relic would join our guild as a spy but then work as one of our best leaders for months without doing anything. It didn't make sense, so we suspended Nihils access to the regular forums and then gave him access to a private forum. In that forum we had what was more or less the equivalent of a trial. We presented Nihil with our evidence that he was actually Relic and then gave him a chance to explain himself or prove he wasn't Relic. We made it clear we didn't want to kick him out of the guild but that we had to know the truth before we could make any decision. To the very end Nihil insisted he wasn't Relic and even claimed he could prove it, but he never provided the proof he claimed to have and after a few weeks of debate, he just disappeared one day and wouldn't reply to Email. Relic and his zany Roman guilds also vanished into the night shortly after.
If seen in-game:
If he has a group of people following him in formation, laugh your ass off. Otherwise, he isn't worth the trouble.
If seen in real life:
Same as above.
Ari
DANGER! This will ruin your life if you have sex with it!
Also Known As:
The Psycho Slut of Denver
History:
Ari was Zion's girl friend through most of high school. During that time Zion hinted many times that there was something not exactly "normal" about Ari and once he even directly said she was a bit crazy. He didn't know the half of it. And he didn't tell his friends what he did know because he was afraid we would burn her at the stake for being a witch spelled with a B. As it turned out, Ari wasn't just the normal high school psycho chick, who dresses like a goth, writes terrible poetry and gets depressed at the drop of a hat. She was the extremely psychotic type that worshiped crazy pagan religions, believed in magic powers and even claimed to have said magic powers herself. If this was just a case of attention whoring at its worst or if she really believed her own hype, I can't really say. What I can say for sure is that her obnoxious behavior sure wasn't healthy for Zion.
Zion only dated her knowing he would break up with her when he went off to college but Ari apparently wasn't on board with that plan. When Zion was accepted to Amherst University in Massachusetts Ari went berserk and as Zion himself said "Ari nearly killed me." She also demanded that he stay in Colorado and marry her no less than three times in 24 hours. Lucky for Zion he had enough sense and ambition in those days to dump her ass and leave for Amherst.
After Zion left she not only sent him constant emails demanding he return, she even made an obviously fake suicide attempt on at least one occasion. (As Zion described it to me, she cut her arms until she was just barely bleeding then ran screaming through her house until her parents called Zion up to cuss him out and blame the entire thing on him.) Apparently she finally got over Zion because she started dating three guys at once and purposely started fights between them just to boost her self esteem. Then, after these guys had each spent hundreds of dollars in gifts for Ari, she dumped all three of them at once for a guy she had met on a public bus named Brian Powers who claimed to be an old friend of Zion's. (Zion and I had both gone to school with Brian but to say he was an old friend would be a massive misconception.) She then broke up with Brian after one date because she said he was a loser with no future.
When Zion returned from Amherst for reasons to complex to explain here, for some totally incomprehensible reason, he started dating Ari again. He even got her involved in that absurd attempt to turn the Golden Shields into a comedy website. She was one of the "writers" for the site but the only funny thing she ever posted was a complaint about how nobody eats doughnuts anymore. The only reason this was even remotely funny is because Ari is so skinny that if she ever actually ate an entire doughnut herself then she would look something like a snake that just swallowed an entire rat.
Eventually Ari stopped dating Zion because her parents randomly decided they didn't like Zion anymore (a very bizarre reversal as they previously thought he was great and her dad even helped Zion move into his new apartment). Zion was forced to break up with her and that was when he started talking about suicide. Zion himself told me that her "betrayal" was one of the reasons he no longer wished to live. For virtually killing our leader Zion and her part in one of the guilds worst embarrassments of all time (the comedy site) she is banned and her obscene antics will be remembered here FOREVER.
If seen in-game:
You don't need to worry about that. Ari is a technophobe who only uses a computer to type up her dark and depressing poetry.
If seen in real life:
It would be illegal for me to recommend physical violence so I'll just suggest you use your imagination. But whatever you do, DO NOT SLEEP WITH HER. You have no idea where she has been.
"Yourmom" & Non-Decaf
The real life sexual adventures of the Zelderex admins scare me...
Also Known As:
The Lesbian Psychos of San Antonio, Coffee Ninja, Cequ, cequalsym (aim name & Deviantart account name), sobriquet85 (Another aim name)
History:
In mid to late 2005 when Zion and his demented cronies Andre, Lucas, Jackson and Ari were still abusing the Golden Shields as a "comedy" site, Raltar decided to try and pass the time by playing an online browser game called Zelderex. The full Zelderex story is too long to cover here but the basic explanation is that the game sucked due to the awful gameplay, obnoxious community and asshole admins. Raltar wrote a brief review of the game which he took a great deal of flak for from said obnoxious community and asshole admins and he was then planning to leave the game. Ironically however, the very review that caused much of the community to turn against him actually drew attention to his cause from a recruiter in one of the clans he had been fighting with when he wrote the review. This clan, called The Knights, used threats, intimidation and violence to force new players into joining their clan. But their recruiter Wyvernlord had been recruiting people the normal, non-evil way and wasn't aware this was going on until Raltar revealed it in his review. When he found out he decided that his suspicions about the clan leader (Jaso) had been correct and he was corrupt. He decided to quit the Knights to start his own clan and took a large number of members with him. But even without the members he had taken the Knights were still the largest clan in the game at the time and he believed he would need help to defeat them. So he recruited Raltar to help him defeat the Knights.
Raltar really hated Zelderex at this point, but the thought of getting a chance to take revenge on a few choice targets before leaving was too good to pass up. He joined Wyvernlord's new clan called The Alchemists and they devised a strategy to defeat the Knights. Less than a month later, Jaso had quit the game, The Knights were nearly gone and the Alchemists had over 100 members making it the new largest clan in Zelderex at the time. But this was a short lived victory. Hardcore Zelderex fanboys still made up the majority of the community at the time and when they found out that the one guy who had the guts to give the game a bad review was a leader in the Alchemists, their hatred for Raltar was redirected at the Alchemists. Non-Decaf was one such mindless fanboy... or in this case, fan GIRL.
Non-Decaf joined the Alchemists at the height of the game's popularity and, we suspect, she probably only joined to act like a witch spelled with a B and cuss us all out. As soon as she joined she found a topic on our forums about one of the Zelderex admins who used the highly inappropriate nickname of YOURMOM. Yourmom is by far the biggest witch spelled with a B who ever walked the face of the earth. She is only 19 years old and has most likely never set foot outside her hometown but she is arrogant as hell, believes she knows everything and instantly shouts an endless stream of profanity at anyone who challenges her authority. Tact is a word she does not know the definition of. Because of the obscene and obnoxious way in which she conducted herself as an admin we complained about her often on our forums and Non-decaf apparently took offense at that. According to her, Yourmom was a very "nice girl."
Our obvious and first response was to laugh and ask why in the world she thought that considering the experience of every member of our clan so far had indicated the exact opposite was true. She said she knew Yourmom was a nice girl because she knew her personally. We continued to chuckle and asked how she knew her. Then we laughed our asses off when the truth came out that Yourmom and Non-decaf are actually lesbians and had dated each other through most of high school. Turns out they only broke up because their parents objected to two girls dating each other. I don't know their parents, but I'm starting to like them better already. It also sheds an interesting new light on why a person might choose an obnoxious name like "Yourmom" in the first place. Maybe "Nondecafsmom" was too long.
At any rate, when we started laughing uncontrollably this only made Non-Decaf even more angry and she started acting much like her beloved Yourmom. We had to ban her from the forum and kick her out of the clan. Later when The Alchemists became part of the Golden Shields after Raltar refounded the guild, GS adopted all of the Alchemists history including their enemies. For that reason, Non-Decaf, Yourmom and all the other mindless Zelderex fanboys and asshole admins are banned from our presence forever!
If seen in-game:
Probably won't happen. She disappeared from Zelderex shortly after we banned her from the Alchemists. I suspect she only joined the game to join the Alchemists so she could cuss us out for being mean to her wonderful ex-girlfriend.
If seen in real life:
Laugh. Hard.
ThE Nimm0R Ø2
Let this guy be a lesson to nerds everywhere: Just because you get beaten up at school doesn't mean its safe to seek your revenge over the internet!
Also Known As:
David Anderson, Dork, Nerd, Geek, etc.
History:
Nimm was yet another of the mindless Zelderex fanboys who played during the height of the games popularity and decided to declare his own private war against us. Nimm was apparently a loser who had nothing going for him in life except the fact he was good at Zelderex. Nimm saw that we didn't respect Zelderex and assumed for that reason we would never respect him either and I guess he just couldn't live with that. His "official" reason for hating us was that we were "brainwashing" players new to the game into thinking the admins were assholes. I won't deny we may have been doing that, but the admins WERE assholes so even in a worst case scenario, we were only brainwashing people to believe the truth.
Nimm had been a former leader in one of the larger clans in the game which was run by an admin and for that reason most people took him seriously at first. However the reality of his personality came out as soon as he started talking. Nimm was such an arrogant prick that most people could see through his transparent act right away and they instantly hated the guy for being such an obnoxious wind bag. He had quit the admin clan to start his own clan which he claimed was "democratic" and "equal" in all ways. Its funny how every time the Golden Shields has run into someone making these sorts of claims they always turned out to be some power hungry nutjob doing a poor job of making people believe his lies. Nimm's clan was equal right up to the point where it came to Nimm himself, who was all-powerful over the other members of the clan and did pretty much whatever he wanted whenever he wanted without even so much as telling the rest of his clan what he was up to. Of course the other members (all five of them) had equal power and rank, it just wasn't good for much of anything in a system where everyone has the same powers except for one guy who has more power then the rest combined.
Nimm was all talk. During his entire "war" there was exactly one attack that could be considered even remotely organized and it was on only Raltar. It took about 30 seconds to repair the damage done by said attack. Everything else Nimm did was just to annoy people. He started by sending random messages to new players who had only recently joined the Alchemists tell them our clan sucked (which was hypocritical of him to do after he accused us of brainwashing new players). He constantly made wild and irrational demands of our leaders and even spent weeks getting a spy account into our forums, which he then threw away by getting it banned when he insisted on posting another of his retarded and long winded rants that only served the purpose of letting everyone know what an ass he was.
Nimm's campaign of irritation ended when the new school season started in the fall. Turns out Nimm was just some 15 year old kid with nothing better to do with his time. That is until he had to go back to school and start working on the robotics club again. No doubt his obnoxious behavior and personality were the direct result of being an outcast at school. Now he is an outcast on the internet too, probably will be one for the rest of his life.
If seen in-game:
Won't happen. Nimm said on his own website that the only game he plays is Zelderex and he stopped updating that site right around the same time he vanished from Zelderex anyway.
If seen in real life:
Take his backpack, give him a wedgie and stuff him into a locker. What a Nerd.
Michael Prejean
Look out lady! I don't think that guy is a real doctor!
Also Known As:
Smash_HLS, immature, childish...
History:
How many of Zion's former "friends" must end up on this list? I know Zion enjoyed manipulating people who were inferior to him and making them dance to his tune. That was what made him such a great leader and diplomat for our guild. But it was also the reason why our guild ended up with retards like Andre & Lucas working for us. In a bizarre sort of way, Zion was almost addicted to finding these pathetic losers and trying to make them useful somehow. Now that Zion is gone these losers have nothing to occupy their time with and it has caused an invisible war of idiotic behavior, mindless threats and immature insults to break out between all of his former friends with each side in the war apparently accusing the other sides of dishonoring Zion's memory by not going on bloody rampages in his name. The entire thing is moronic and Zion would put a stop to it himself if he were here. But nobody seems to care about that.
I would have expected Michael, a grown adult who is employed by Mental Health Center of Denver, to be more mature than the rest of Zion's "friends" who do these obnoxious things, but it turned out that he was the most immature of them all. Michael was Zion's "case worker" when Zion was committed to a mental hospital against his will by the police and his parents. Michael it seems is nothing more than a big baby with a peter pan complex, an "alternative" lifestyle (as Zion's mother put it) and nothing better to do with his time or money than to buy obscenely powerful computers which he then uses to google the internet for anyone speaking the most minor of insults against Zion. At some point before or after Zion's death, Michael became friends with Zion's parents and somehow convinced them to give Zion's old computers to them. In defense of Zion's parents, it is not their fault. Zion's sister refused to take Zion's old desktop PC until someone wiped the hard drive for her and Zion's crappy old MAC laptop computer was damaged in a way that it appeared to be permanently broken and worthless.
In the process of tricking Zion's parents into giving him free computer equipment (Including Zion's flash drive, which I can't even imagine how he talked them out of) Zion's mother mentioned to Michael that there was a "Golden Shields" website on the internet which said some things about Zion she didn't agree with. Zion's mother would have called Raltar directly about the things on our site, except she didn't know that "Raltar" was Raltar. (In other words, she knew Raltar by his real name and not his internet nickname.) For some reason Michael told her that he would "talk" to us about it and then finished loading thousands of dollars of computer equipment into his car.
And here is the best part: Michael is yet another internet dumbass who doesn't know the definition of the word Tact and his idea of "talking" to us was to invent a bizarre scheme to bribe/blackmail us into removing the comments about Zion. But before contacting us he fixed Zion's broken old MAC and retrieved some "files" off of it so he would be armed with something to taunt us with.
First Michael presented himself on the Golden Shields public forums as "Smash_HLS" and started a thread in our off-topic forums which was in obvious breach of the clearly posted forum rules. All he did was make some vague complaints about the website and mention that he had some "archives" from the Old Guild. Despite the fact Raltar knew nobody named Smash was ever in the old guild and despite Michael's obvious disrespect of the forum rules, his topic was moved to the proper diplomacy forum and Michael was offered a chance to identify himself and discuss his complaint about the website in a MATURE and ADULT manner. Instead Michael continued his immature behavior by Emailing Raltar pictures of Zion's old computers and bragging about his considerable collection of computers (most of which were likely obtained through his dishonest dealings). Raltar eventually got tired of this and demanded Michael explain who he was, what he wanted and apologize for his behavior so far. That was when Michael became verbally abusive, insulting, even making some veiled and cowardly death threats. Raltar had to ban him from the forums (twice) and decided it was time to treat him as more than a minor nuisance.
After finding out he worked for MHCD, Raltar figured he might have known Zion from there and Zion's parents might know him. Raltar contacted them and that was when he found out the entire story of how Michael had tricked them out of the computers they thought were broken and found out about the Golden Shields. First, Raltar and Zion's mother had the mature and adult conversation Michael would not (or could not) manage to have which easily solved the issue of the things about Zion that had been posted on the website. Then Zion's mother agreed to ask Michael to knock off his obnoxious behavior.
Michael knocked off his childish behavior after that but tried to pretend to be an adult just long enough to send this one last Email:
"I won't pretend to understand how you could have gone from being a best friend to seemingly not caring at all. I miss that kid everyday. So does his mom, dad, and sister. You know, I would have been happy to offer to you any files associated with your Old Guild if you didn't seem so determined to trash a really sick kid who took his own life and used to be your friend. As I said before, I really want this to stop for Mrs. K. She mentioned to me that you had said you might just take stuff down. If you do, I thank you. If you have not, and an apology from me, might help...I apologize."
Raltar wasn't impressed, here was his final reply:
"You sad little man. You are such a tool.
Do you have even the most vague idea why I agreed to take down the things Zion's mother wanted taken down? She and I had a MATURE and ADULT conversation and we came to a solution that works for both of us. I gave YOU a chance to have that conversation Michael, but you turned it aside and stuck to your bizarre bribery/blackmail scheme.
Yes, Michael, I saw through your transparent attempt to bribe me with Zion's files. It never would have worked. If you had learned anything from Zion you would have learned how to talk to people. But you clearly never learned anything from him.
If you have any sense left at all, you should listen to whatever Zion's mother has told you. She appears to be a very intelligent and perceptive person and she obviously can see what is right in front of her face. Something you cannot (or will not) do if you really think I don't care about Zion.
Don't ever contact me or any other member of the Golden Shields. And keep your silly files. Their use expired long ago, just as yours did."
If seen in-game:
If Michael ever manages to rub enough brain cells together to invent some use for a computer besides making an ass out of himself (and I don't see it happening), then you have my permission to kill him, take his stuff, set his body on fire and whatever else you feel the need to do.
If seen in real life:
If you actually run into this yuppie scumbag on the street then chances are he will be trying to hand you one of his vegan propaganda leaflets. If you wanted to irritate him you could always eat a big juicy cheese burger right in front of his face. But lets face it, when the highlight of your week is standing on the steps of the capital building while shouting profanities and handing out propaganda, there isn't much anyone can do to make your life any more miserable.